In other words, putting 'gaslighting' through the linguistic meat grinder makes the word harder to access and understand for everyone, but, most importantly, for those who need it to describe their own experience. By adding in the noise of convoluted interpretations of the what the term actually means, victims are less likely to be able to identify the gaslighting behavior they're subjected to. Stern adds, noting that when these victims hear that the patterns inside their relationship resemble gaslighting, many have an aha moment, during which they enter a new understanding of their relationship. Stern says.īecause gaslighting aims to cause confusion, these patients rarely have the clarity of mind to plop down in the chair and say, “I am being gaslit by my partner,” Dr. “The gaslighter intends to sow seeds of doubt in the person they are gaslighting, hoping to make them question their memory, their sanity, their perception, their reality,” Dr. Stern and Stamps both report that in their work, clients and patients who are trapped in gaslighting relationships rarely know they are being gaslit-and without having a clear definition of what the term means, that understanding is harder to achieve. That’s not what gaslighting is.” -Robin Stern, PhDįurthermore, victims of gaslighting need the understood definition of the word to be protected. “Gaslighting is often used in an accusatory way when somebody may just be insistent on something, or somebody may be trying to influence you. In addition to being a misuse of the word gaslighting, accusing someone of gaslighting you functions as a trump card to end (or even 'win') a conversation, which is also not reflective of healthy communication, so such accusations are best avoided as a tactic to end a discussion. Stern says accusing someone of being a gaslighter simply because they are trying to convince you of something is a surefire way to scare them into abandoning their argument. Gaslighting is also inextricably linked with abusive behavior and, as such, Dr. That's not to say that Thurston did not indeed experience gaslighting behavior on the show, but the words she used to describe it perpetuate a lack of understanding for what it actually means, which can have the effect of leading those who legitimately experience it to be less likely to be able to identify it. Stern says the key characteristic separating gaslighting from other forms of emotional manipulation is the intent to cause confusion, a component that was missing from Thurston's definition.

Without discounting Thurston's experience contending with Grippo's undeniably poor communication style-based on what was broadcast, at least-this is nonetheless not the definition of gaslighting. “Gaslighting is when you try to make someone else feel like it’s their fault,” Thurston said during a taped special following the show's finale episode on August 9. A recent example of a widely consumed misuse of the word gaslighting came when Bachelorette star Katie Thurston offered her definition of the word while describing how she believed contestant Grep Grippo treated her during their onscreen relationship.

Definition of gaslight